It Wasn't Always This Way
by Miss Corrine
Summary: "It wasn't always this way," thought Kylo Ren "I remember a woman with flowers in her hair" Kylo Ren remembers someone other than his grandfather that he use to admire.


**Author's Note:** Hello everybody. Before reading this I have a few heads up. First, to any Kylo Ren haters, leave. This story is not for you. If you don't like, don't read. This shows my take on his background. You can not like the character, it's your opinion, but don't insult my work because you don't like the main character or how I choose to portray his background. Second, this story has no beta and I am not the best at grammar or editing. There are bound to be mistakes. I am also still relatively new to fanfiction writing. Third, I ask that if you give criticism, give it in a constructive form. Fourth and final, at the end is the credit to the work that inspired this and my reasoning behind some choices in this story if you wish to read it. Word count, without ANs, is about 1,000 words.

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 **It Wasn't Always This Way**

The charred, twisted remains of Sith Lord Darth Vader's helmet sat on a podium in a grotesque monument. A young man leaned forward, elbows rested in his knees, hands clasped, and chin resting on his hands. A helmet rested by his side. His eyes were worn and tired as he stared into the mask.

 _ **It wasn't always this way**_ , thought Kylo Ren. _**I remember a woman with flowers in her hair.**_

* * *

 **10 ABY**

Darkness clung to the room with only shafts of moonlight peeking in from closed blinds faintly illuminating the room. The contents of the room were many with pieces of furniture lining the room and toys cluttering the floor. In the center of the room pushed against the back wall was a small bed. Resting inside was a young boy, no older than five. Blankets were curled and strewn around him in a cocoon. Face curled up in displeasure, the young boy tossed and turned.

The young boy was Ben Organa Solo and he was no stranger to nightmares.

The nightmares, to him, were a constant in his life. Every night, for as long as he could remember, they would come. He would hear the mean whisperings of someone, he couldn't understand them, they weren't speaking basic, but he could tell it was _mean_. Darkness followed and he would hear yelling and screaming and it _hurt_. He told his mommy and daddy and they told him it was just _bad dreams_ but he felt the sad and _something else_ coming off his mommy when he told her.

This night was no different. The whispers came and the darkness followed. Ben tried to stay calm and ignore everything but he couldn't. He shouted at the whispers to leave him alone but they wouldn't. The darkness kept getting closer with cold following and Ben couldn't move. Hot tears began prickling at his eyes and he struggled to get away wishing everything would stop. As the darkness nearly reached his feet Ben was wrenched out with a start.

Hot tears streamed down his cheeks, Ben woke up with a start. Reaching his hands up to his eyes, he rubbed his eyes and cheeks. Looking around his room, Ben saw the shadows with moonlight chasing them off. He shivered, thinking of the darkness in his dream.

Ben reached down and clutched the green blanket next to him. Aunt Malla had given him the blanket on his last visit to visit her with mom and dad. It still smelled like her home. Warm spices, wood, and bonfire.

Ben remained on his bed, making to move to leave, as he sniffled and cried. Mommy had been mad after coming back from the Senate and went in her office, never coming out, while daddy was off planet.

As he cried, Ben noticed a blue glow. Slowly, he raised his head to look upwards. Standing at the end of his bed was one of the most beautiful ladies he had ever seen.

A kind, gentle face was framed by long locks of curly dark brown hair, small flowers woven between the strands. A dress and cloak of rippling blue like water covered her frame and pooled around her. A pair of rich, dark chocolate brown eyes gazed at him with a gentle love.

Ben stared at the woman, wondering who she was. He had never her met her, and never seen her. A person mommy worked with? No. They weren't allowed in the home. The longer he looked at her the more she reminded him of mommy.

The woman walked over to the edge of the bed, cloak flowing out behind her. She sat down on the edge, right next to Ben. Ben tilted his head to the side, still crying gently, looking at her curiously. Slowly, she opened her arms wide and wrapped them around him.

The woman gathered him close to her and began to gently rock him back and forth. As she started to run her fingers through his hair, Ben relaxed and let himself cry. She felt _warm_ , _safe_ , _kind_ , _safe_ , _strong_ , and _love_.

"You are safe," a soft female voice whispered.

Ben wasn't sure how long he sat there in the arms of the woman with flowers in her hair, but he didn't care. He liked it. He felt _safe_ and _light_.

After a while, once he stopped crying, the woman slowly pulled away. She scanned over him as she ran her hands along the side of his face.

Finally, she seemed satisfied and gave him a smile. She ran her fingers through his hair and down the side of his face before pulling away. She leaned down and kissed his forehead and pulled away whispering, "Goodbye my sweet one,"

Ben watched tiredly as the woman slowly faded away in a blue light. The only thing left of her were small, white flowers on his bed and on him. He grabbed one, holding it carefully, and looked around his room wondering where the pretty lady went.

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Over the years, Ben would wake up to see the pretty woman with flowers in her hair beside his bed. She would sit next to him and hold him close. Every time she came she chased away the darkness and voices. Ben loved her. She was always there for him, whether it was after nightmares or fights. Always. He looked forward to seeing.

The last time Ben saw her had been after it was revealed that Darth Vader was his grandfather. His emotions had _exploded_ and he shut himself away from everyone. She had come and comforted him as best as possible. He tried to push her away but she stayed and was patient with him. She was stayed until he had settled down and kept him calm. Before she left she gave him a sad smile and told him, "Don't let the darkness consume you," He never saw her again.

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Kylo Ren let out a sigh, wondering what happened to her. In the back of the room, a dim glow of blue watched over the young man. The woman surrounded by the dim glow gave a pained expression and bowed her head. The darkness surrounded him but did not consume him. There was a chance, no matter what the rest of her family thought. Her husband came back from the dark and her grandson could to.

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 **Author's Note** : This, truthfully, did not come out the way I wanted to. This was supposed to be written and published a while ago but I got sick and then I lost inspiration. This was originally was much better in my head but not so great written out. I might come back and edit this later.

This story was inspired by a piece of fan art that I found. I found it at: **amyillu . tumblr . com** . It is a beautiful piece of work about a Force Ghost!Padme and Kylo Ren/Ben Solo. I also took some inspiration from 's "Whisperings".

Facts about Ben/Kylo comes from the _Bloodline_ books (I have not read them but I know what happens), other books about Leia, and the _Force Awakens_ novelization. A few interesting facts were revealed that were used or hinted about in this story. First, Snoke had been after Ben since he was a kid. Second, Leia worked long hours at the Senate. Third, Han spent much time off world as a racer or smuggler. Fourth, Ben did not learn that Vader was his grandfather until he was in his early 20s and he learned through the Holonet, not from his family. Finally, Han and Leia often fought with each other that I hinted at vaguely.

I hope someone enjoyed this. Sorry about the long ANs. I tried to make them shorter but failed.

\- Miss Corrine


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